"I am looking for a quick fix. I want this to be done." I have heard this statement on numerous occasions when new individuals come to our support group meetings. They want a game plan, a time line of sorts, of when they can expect their loved one to be recovered from their eating disorder. Time for a reality check.
The reality of this disease is that there is no game plan and forget about any sort of time line. As one parent observed "this is a marathon, not a sprint." So very true. You need to do away with any and all expectations of how long it is acceptable to have an eating disorder in your life. This disease will take you down paths you never expected to go and it will change you in ways you could not imagine.
It is perfectly acceptable to feel angry and resentful towards the disease; however, how you act upon that anger is what is important. The sufferer is already full of shame -- be careful not to add to that shame. Most of their behavior is rooted in fear and they are living in their own private hell. Hate the disease and what it is doing.
Get help for the entire family. Learn how to be supportive without letting the disease get you by the throat as well. Take care of yourself. You will need to be strong to see your loved one through to recovery. It can take a very long time and the roller coaster of emotions is exhausting. Learning how to set proper boundaries while still loving those that are ill is not easy. It wasn't for me. It took me years to see that the disease was controlling me as well. I gave it a very comfortable place to live for many years.
