I believe life is comprised of different seasons -- not the ones provided by the changes in the weather -- but the ones provided by life's circumstances.
Seasons can be quiet, seasons can be difficult and seasons can be just hard for us to understand.
The season of my daughter's eating disorder was difficult. It consisted mainly of anger, frustration and sadness. Anger at the situation, coupled with the frustration and sadness of not being able to fix the situation. It was a constant merry-go-round of the same emotions and it was exhausting.
Looking back on that particular season of my life, I view it much differently now. Does it still make my stomach lurch thinking about those days? You bet. It was not fun. It was hard -- every day was hard. Living daily knowing that this eating disorder could take your child's life in a whisper was hard. Parents have often described it to me as "a living hell". I cannot disagree.
It made me a bitter person. It took therapy and a return to my faith to help me see that the change needed to start with me. I needed to learn to forgive, not only my daughter but myself as well, in order to start moving forward with a life that I had basically stopped living many years ago. The eating disorder had stolen my joy.
Seasons. My current season of life is good. Very good. This past Spring I read a wonderful book entitled "One Thousand Gifts" and what a gift it was. The author dares you to live fully right where you are and, despite your circumstances, to find joy in even the most tragic of situations or circumstances. That book really rocked my world and my thought process. Really? Find some joy, something to be thankful for in each situation? Really? Truly? Yessiree!
I put it into practice a few weeks ago as I lay beside my wonderful dog and companion of almost 11 years as she took her last breath. Her illness came on suddenly and within three days she was gone. As the doctor gave her the injection that would end her suffering, I thanked God for her loyalty and the happiness she brought to our family and found my joy in being able to give her this final gift. I was able to smile a little and it made the pain lessen just a bit.
Having a loved one with an eating disorder brings so much pain and heartache both emotionally and physically upon us. If we can find something, even one thing, to be thankful for at the end of the day, the burden will be lighter, even if it is for just a moment. Own that moment and be thankful in that moment.
In this season of my life I am enjoying my first grandchild. Watching my daughter care and nurture her son is, well, joyous! Spending time with her is different now. The pain of the past is a memory and through all that heartache it brought us here, to this season, of a new birth and a new beginning.
