What exactly is a "New Normal". It can take on many definitions. However, be careful of New Normals.
New Normals are another form of an excuse. When a family is new to the eating disordered world, they sometimes do not realize just how unbalanced their life has become. An eating disorder is very insidious. You sometimes do not see that the behavior of your loved one is completely out of control. It is as though we almost become numb to their demands and their irrational behavior.
We make excuses that they are "not that bad", "not that skinny", "not isolated from their friends", "they eat, but only really healthy foods", "they do not like it when I ask questions", etc. The excuses and their New Normal life continues with the eating disorder in complete control. I know, I was there. Our home life had become toxic. No one spoke to one another for fear of what might happen. We walked on eggshells. We were afraid. We were unhappy. We let the eating disorder control the environment like a small tyrannical czar. We also did not see what was happening. It had become our "New Normal".
It wasn't normal. There was nothing normal about it. It took a very skilled therapist to help me see what was happening. It also forced my husband and me to take our power back as parents. We could clearly see that the eating disorder was in control and that our "New Normal" was not normal and that our family was in trouble. We needed to step up as parents and stop being afraid of this intruder called ED (acronym for eating disorder).
We were prepared to do whatever it took to get our daughter to a healthy place in her life so she could be successful. We needed to adopt the mantra "Recovery around life, not life around recovery." Recovery was first, everything else took a back seat. School could wait, recovery could not. It was difficult and it got worse before it got better. However, once we took our power back from ED, it made both my husband and I stronger. We worked as a team, together, not against one another as ED would have preferred. See, ED likes to divide families and isolate his victims.
As that scene in a very famous movie says "Be afraid, be very afraid", I say, do not be afraid -- you can conquer ED, as long as you conquer your "New Normal" as well.
