College Dilemma

Good morning -- happy Thursday.  Just returned from my morning walk with my lab, Haylee.  We don't go as fast or as far as we used to -- we're both older and stiffness from her two knee surgeries have definitely slowed her down.  However, she still enjoys getting out to smell, meet her dog friends and imagine chasing those elusive squirrels.

A recent topic of discussion that seems to come up often at support group is whether or not to send a child away to college who had, or still is, battling an eating disorder.  That is a tough dilemma and one my husband and I faced some years ago.  If I had to do it over again, I would not have let her go away to college.  I knew she wasn't stable enough to handle the transition into college, both physically and emotionally.  However, I let her go.  Less then three weeks later, she was back home.   Her decision to not return to school, live at home and attend a local community college was the right one.

Families need to work closely with their treatment team and decide what is the best course of action depending on where their loved one is in their disorder.  A treatment team and support system needs to be in place wherever they are going to live.   A geographical relocation does not mean the eating disorder will not follow them to college.  It will be their constant companion until they are strong enough to stop listening to it's seductive voice. 

Disappointment will surely follow a decision to not allow a child to move away and attend college, especially when all of their friends are talking about and deciding where they will be going.  One question I always asked myself when deciding what to do was this:

Am I making this decision because it makes me feel better and alleviates my guilt or am I making this decision because it is the best one for my daughter's future?

Doing what is right is sometimes heartbreaking. It certainly was for me.  Eating disorders just don't go away.  It takes hard work and a tremendous amount of time, but there is hope and there is light at the end of what seems a long and dark tunnel.  

Good morning . . . It's Been a While

Happy Tuesday ~ it has been a while since I have posted on this blog and I do apologize.  Time to be honest.  I was having a conflict as to whether or not I wanted to continue with the support group or anything else relating to an eating disorder.  I felt burdened.  Yes, burdened.  Burdened.  Heavy.  I could not explain it.  Perhaps it was time to pass the reins on to someone else; however, I was not going to make any hasty decisions. 

I was sitting on my sofa in my family room really thinking about what was going on.  Where were these feelings coming from?  I started to pray.  I asked God for help with this decision.  Was it really time to move on?   The phone rang interrupting my talk with God . . . hmmm . . . Hello?  It was a parent . . . their daughter had an eating disorder . . . they did not know what to do . . . we talked.  At the end that parent thanked me for being there.  For listening. 

Shortly thereafter, I left for my support group meeting.  We had some new faces that night.  One mother walked in and the pain in her eyes was the same pain I saw in my own many years ago.  I had my answer. 

This was not about me.  This was about all those families who are looking for answers.  If I still allowed the eating disorder, through my help with others, to be burdensome then I had to look at my motives for helping others.  Thankfully, my family has moved past this disease.  It no longer has a hold on us, but I was still allowing it, indirectly, to yet again become a burden.  I sent it packing.  I realized that I cannot "fix" this disease for others, but I can offer them hope, an ear and a hug.  Sometimes, that is all that matters.