We had a guest speaker at our last support group meeting. She shared her journey of addiction to
prescription drugs, as well as her battle with anorexia. She was
honest, forthright and candid about her struggles.
Keep in mind that these are her thoughts and opinions, based
on what she has experienced and learned through her walk with addiction and
eating disorders.
She felt it was very important to get the anxiety under
control. We know ED’s are an anxiety based disease. She felt that
once her anxiety was better controlled, she was able to deal with the other
areas in her life that needed work.
She recalled as early as kindergarten feeling ashamed due to
the fact that she had failed a vision test. She was pulled out of line
and set aside. Most kids would not think much of it; however, she felt
ashamed she had failed. This is a perfect example of what Jenni Schaefer
says about eating disorders: genetics loads the gun, society pulls the
trigger.
As she spoke, her feelings mirrored many of the symptoms
that plague our loved ones.
She also said that entering treatment for an eating
disorder, in her case anorexia, was much like a heroin addict
experiencing the symptoms of withdrawal – the vomiting, cramping, etc., except
for those with eating disorders, it’s all on the inside. Quite a sobering
visual, isn’t it?
She also said her siblings were good at sports – she did not
excel at sports, but her dad always did tell her she was pretty; hence, she
felt valued only by her looks. She also made decision to please
others even if it was not what she wanted to do. She did not allow herself to have a voice.
Someone asked her if her family was involved in her treatment
– back then, as was true with my own daughter, the family was not involved in the treatment process. We now know how important it is for the whole family to receive
help. She recalled coming back from treatment and her mom hugging her and
saying “we will never let you go back there”. She said that her parents
thought they could “love” her through it. While being supportive and
loving is important, it is certainly not the only thing. She said it is
important to get your voice back and face your anxieties. She said her parents should have continued to encourage her to get help.
She also said she felt she knew what people were feeling and
thinking. We have often talked in group about how sensitive individuals
with eating disorders are – once described to me as having lots of “antennas” –
they feel everyone is talking about them, looking at them, making judgments
about them.
One point she made, and I really liked this one – it is
important to ask those in treatment from eating disorders “What did you hear me
say?” We all know what we say and what they hear is different. Sufferers
live life with an ED filter – their perception is very skewed. I think
this is an excellent way to handle a difficult situation. It would also
help them to see that their reality is not our reality.
She also recommended a couple of books:
Strengths Finder 2.0
Deadly Emotions
I have given you the links through Amazon to see what they
are about and you can decide if these might be helpful.
At the end of the meeting one of the other members also made
an excellent suggestion – to ask the sufferer when they are making demands,
etc., or you feel they are being unreasonable – to ask them if they are trying
to control or assert. This should give them pause to see what is behind
what they are trying to say. As stated above, it is important to find
their voice, but as caregivers, we have to know who is talking – their true
self or the eating disorder.
Family members must also be prepared to do their own work to support and encourage the recovery process. The main obstacle I faced was coming to terms with the fact that I could not "fix" my daughter. I, too, needed to learn more constructive ways to cope.
